The Bernard L. Pacella, MD Parent Child Center

Resources: Expert Opinion

Give fathers their proper due: Like father, like daughter

By Leon Hoffman, MD

USA TODAY JUNE 16, 2000

A father once described how he had spent a great Father's Day at a baseball game with his 14-year-old daughter. When they arrived home, he said to her, ''and don't forget that you have that exam tomorrow.'' A torrent of rage followed, with the girl winding up in her room weeping and turning for comfort to her friends. ''Where did those pleasant feelings from the afternoon go?'' the father wondered.

This 14-year-old truly loved being with her father. She had purchased the baseball tickets with her own money. She used his offhand comment to turn off her good feelings by creating an opposite set of feelings - hatred and criticism, believing that only her friends mattered.

Fathers and young teenage daughters have to confront two facts: Both need to adapt psychologically to the physical development of the girl's body and need to understand that she will have independent relationships, which may be totally secret from her father.

In the midst of an adolescent outburst, a father may lose sight of his importance in his daughter's life - particularly helping her develop her self-esteem and sense of herself as a full person and not just as a sex object.

Fathers may have a difficult time with their teenage daughters because their relationships with them are far more complicated than with their sons. Fathers may have a hard time imagining what it is like to become a woman, and may not realize that a feminine young girl will want to incorporate into her own personality aspects from her father. This is a critical goal for fathers of adolescent daughters:
communicating the message that she can become like him in many ways and still develop her femininity .

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