The Bernard L. Pacella, MD Parent Child Center

Resources: Expert Opinion

Rules For Teenagers

By Leon Hoffman, MD

Letter to the Editor, New York Times, September 16, 2003

To the Editor:

Re "Take Pity on the Clueless Parent. Or Whatever" (Week in Review, Sept. 14):

We all know that adolescents need to distance themselves from their families of origin as they find their place as future adults.

But some youngsters need to dramatize their need to separate in dysfunctional ways, like the James Dean or the James Cagney characters described in your article.

Parents need to walk a fine line: they need to respect their adolescent's need for privacy and independence. But they also need to set limits for their teenagers in a supportive way.

In their desire to foster a child's independence, parents may forget that adolescents are not adults.

How unrestricted or how strict to be is a decision to be made by each parent, dependent on many factors.

But a parent does have to have rules, whether or not the adolescent rebels. If a parent avoids setting rules, a teenager may feel that the parent doesn't care and keep testing limits further and further.

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